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Humor | September 21, 2012

Wrong place, wrong time


Baby born in a racetrack parking lot, judge performs wedding after sentencing groom and Kings College student knocked out by falling futon mattress

©iStockPhoto/Miodrag Trajkovic

Ladies and Gentleman start your….child birth? Wait, that can't be right. Shawna Arnold and her newborn are both doing fine after the baby made her unexpected debut in the New Hampshire Motor Speedway parking lot, in Loudon, N.H. Arnold went into labor last Friday and she and her boyfriend started driving to a hospital. His Speed Racer skills couldn't get them to the delivery room in time though. When Arnold realized she was about to give birth, they made a pit stop at the racetrack parking lot. An EMT at the track came out to help and safely delivered the baby. Speedway General Manager Jerry Gappens awarded the baby two tickets to NASCAR races for the rest of her life. No doubt this kid will live life in the fast lane.

Not all couples get their dream wedding, but these nuptials don't even come close to that fairytale ending. A judge sentenced Larry Austin of Oklahoma to four years in federal prison on a firearm charge and then wed the new inmate to his longtime girlfriend. The couple first obtained their marriage license, then Austin pleaded guilty to the firearm charge and received his sentence from Judge Jerry Bass. After pronouncing them inmate and wife, Bass allowed the happy couple one kiss before federal authorities whisked Austin away to jail. Talk about the ole' ball and chain.

Look! It's a bird, it's a plane, no, it's a flying mattress! Too bad nobody warned Jesse Owen, a freshman at Kings College in New York City, about the falling furniture in time. Owen was walking to the Broadway station when a futon mattress fell from the sky and hit him in the head, knocking him unconscious. Witnesses report that the futon came from a nearby roof, approximately 30 stories up. Owen told he was on his way to catch the subway to school: "I was walking on the left side of the street-which I never do-and as I'm walking I get hit on the head with something. I was knocked out, I don't know for how long. I was awoken by people who were putting me up on the mattress, including one man who I think worked for the Stock Exchange."

Owen told the man was his Guardian Angel."He took my wallet and phone and called my mother and gave my information to the police."

Glad to know Owen is doing fine, and even thinks his situation is funny. But if I were him, I'd be wanting to trade in my guardian angel for one with a little faster reaction time-or at least one who was willing to take a futon for me.