Drivers beware--distracted walkers are on the loose. A recent article by the Associated Press reports that the number of accidents caused by "distracted walking" is on the rise. Safety and transportation officials are scratching their heads about how to stop texting women from stumbling into mall fountains, middle aged men falling into man holes, and GameBoy-entranced 11 year olds careening into other pedestrians. You people with your texting and tweeting. What are we going to do with you? Some authorities have suggested making it illegal to text and walk, or having a special lane for people engrossed by their smart phones. Next thing you know, someone will be trying to ban big sodas.
Police respond to plenty of calls for drunk and disorderly conduct, but officers in Michigan don't often have to roust a drunken stranger out of someone's bed. A few nights ago, a rather inebriated fellow found his way into a couple's cottage and climbed into bed with them. Reportedly, the couple immediately jumped out of bed and called the police. When he woke, police say that the man looked around and said, "This isn't my house." Good call, sir. Next time he goes out drinking, maybe he should put a picture of his house in his pocket, just in case.
Speaking of break-ins, this is a classic. A Pittsburgh man broke into a woman's apartment and stole a potato peeler, kitchen knife, and her small dog. Garrett Stauber, 24, kicked in the woman's door before grabbing the utensils out of her dishwasher, picking up the dog, and fleeing. A neighbor heard the commotion and attempted to stop Stauber but was unsuccessful. Police found him a few hours later sitting shirtless on a friend's couch. No word on the dog. Hopefully the victim got her potato peeler back. I'm nominating this one for crime of the year.
And now I've seen it all. We have featured headlines about a man trying to escape from jail in a cab, and a man refusing to leave jail once he had been released. This week, the Associated Press issued a story about a woman arrested for trying to break into a jail. Deputies with the Butler County Sheriff's Office arrested 36-year-old Tiffany R. Hurd on Sunday morning after she was caught trying to climb over a fence into Butler County Jail in Hamilton, near Cincinnati, Ohio. Hurd made her move after jail staff coming off a late-night shift told her to leave the property. She told them to arrest her instead. And she got her wish. I guess in tough times like these, sometimes three square meals a day just seems like a deal that's too good to pass up. Why let a little thing like a criminal record stand in your way?
And finally, a Vermont man, angry about his recent marijuana-related arrest, decided he would wreak a little havoc at the local police station. He drove a large tractor into the parking lot and proceeded to crush the entire fleet--five cruisers, an unmarked car, and a transport van. By the time police noticed the demolition derby taking place right outside, the suspect was driving off down the road. Since they had nothing to pursue him with, he temporarily escaped. But tractors only go so fast. Authorities from the next town apprehend the crushing crusader before he made his daring escape.