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Humor | July 13, 2012

What will they think of next?

Humor

Deer stand mansions, serving Starbucks for funerals and a few selections from the plentiful stack of stupid criminal stories

©IStockPhoto/Mark Hatfield

Last month the Associated Press reported that an author working on a book about random kindness got shot in the arm in a drive-by shooting while he hitchhiked across the country doing research. The story appeared to be the epitome of irony and elicited more than a few chuckles and sarcastic comments from readers. Last week, in a dramatic and bizarre update to the story, police officials arrested Ray Dolin on suspicion that he shot himself, faking the whole incident as a publicity stunt. We're calling Dolin's desperate last shot at success a misfire.

As the old saying goes, a man's home is his castle. But what about his deer stand? Minnesota hunters are building what wildlife officials have dubbed deer stand "mansions" on public hunting property. Some of the stands feature all the comforts of home - carpet, shingled roofs, heating, electricity, a deck, a nice view, and comfy seating. Many of the elaborate stands have locks on their front doors to keep intruders from invading. Officials are concerned that the "mansions" may make other hunters without deer stands feel like second-class citizens, discouraging them from hunting on public land. A better solution for the stand-less hunters might just be to find a good contractor.

The small town of Black Forest of Triberg, in southwest Germany, is being accused of sexism after officials designated two parking spaces for men only. The mayor explained that women would find the spots difficult to park in because drivers need to be able to back in diagonally without hitting a pillar or a wall. He went on to explain that the parking lot includes 12 spaces reserved for women. Out of concern for their safety, the spots are well lit and close to the building. That's nice, but we're wondering why stop at just two spots for the men? That hardly seems fair. Why not give them all the worst spots?

A prisoner of a county jail in western Pennsylvania tried to escape from a local hospital where police had taken him after he had a seizure. When no one was looking, the prisoner left his room and tried to hail a taxi outside the building. Not surprisingly, the cab driver refused to pick up a man in an orange and white striped jumpsuit. But the prisoner didn't give up and go back to his room. Instead, he ran off into the neighboring woods, where police caught him a few hours later. If he gets another chance, perhaps he should try booking his taxi ahead of time. He could offer to pay a little extra for the suspicious circumstances and that whole accomplice thing.

In Albuquerque, another not-so-brilliant criminal unsuccessfully attempted to rob a community college. The bumbling burglar, Thomas Moore, wasn't foiled by a security guard or an intervening witness. Window blinds stopped Moore from committing his crime. Police apprehended him on Sunday when they found him tangled up in the window coverings, unable to free himself. Forget ADT security or a guard dog. Sophisticated shutters obviously are the security system of the future.

And this last tidbit is for our coffee-loving readers. Robinson Funeral Home, in Easley, SC, now offers a new service to its grieving customers. The funeral home plans to build an on-site Starbucks that will dispense both coffee and comfort to mourners. Conveniently, and appropriately, Starbucks employee uniforms already are black.