Put your hands where I can see them and hand over the eggs! I'm guessing border patrol agents said something along those lines when they stopped two men trying to smuggle chocolate Kinder Eggs into the United States from Canada. Brandon Loo and Christopher Sweeney spent more than two hours in a detention center for what turns out to be a felony offense. The U.S. outlawed the little chocolate candy because officials say the toy inside could be a choking hazard for small children. This could be the only instance of an American law that is more restrictive than a Canadian regulation.
Smuggling the candy into the U.S. could land Loo and Sweeney in jail for a while and earn them a hefty fine. And they wouldn't be the first ones to go to jail for a chocolate felony. Agents have confiscated more than 60,000 Kinder Eggs at the border during the last year. A spokesman for the agency refused to comment. Why would he? There's just no reasonable way to explain why we're spending so much tax money confiscating candy. And with all that scrumptious contraband just sitting around the border patrol office, well, the agents have a pretty sweet deal.
If you're sick of airport hassles, consider booking your next flight with Fareed Lafta and Kent Couch, lawn chair pilots. The two men built a flying contraption made of helium balloons and a lawn chair. The flying seat is able to rise 14,000 feet and sustain hours of flight. Couch, of Bend, Ore., said that lawn chairs are a lovely and peaceful way to fly. Unfortunately, they don't travel well through thunderstorms. During a recent flight over Oregon, the men had to descend early due to high winds, which made it nearly impossible to control their flight. After they landed safely, Couch said it was a really dangerous situation for them to be in. They probably should have considered that before taking off in a $5 piece of aluminum.
The mayor of Talkeetna, Alaska isn't a typical political figure. He has four legs and maybe even a few fleas. But despite what some might consider his personal drawbacks, at least a few of his constituents say he has what it takes to follow another one of the state's famous politicians into the national spotlight. The little town of 900 voted Stubbs, a popular orange tabby, into office through a write-in campaign about 15 years ago because no one liked the two candidates listed on the ballot. He's evidently done a bang-up job, and his supporters suggest Washington might benefit from a little feline leadership. He's all for limited government. Stubbs for President, anyone?
Not to be undone by Mayor Stubb's bent for grabbing headlines, two New York dogs decided to make some news of their own with their lavish nuptials. Baby Hope Diamond and Chilly Pasternak tied the knot in a Manhattan ceremony and reception that cost about $158,00.00, far more than the average human wedding. The pooch party featured celebrity guests, a dog comic and even a pet buffet. The event was held as a fundraiser for the Humane Society, and even broke a Guinness World record for most expensive pet wedding. Bow wow, that's pretty impressive. But seriously, who decided dog weddings should be record-setting events?
British newspapers are known for their audacity, but The Times of London might have taken it one step too far. In a column published earlier this week, the paper's editorial board demanded it stop raining. We're not really clear about who they're making the demand to, but that's another story. The daily downpours, even more constant than normal during a soggy British summer, threaten to put a damper on the Olympic games, scheduled to start in London a week from today. "Let us make our position crystal clear: We are against this weather, it must stop raining, and soon." That seems like a simple request, right? But God, or whomever the paper is appealing to, doesn't appear to be listening. England is experiencing some of its wettest weather in recent history, and forecasts show no sign of a break in the clouds. If, by some chance it does stop raining, the next column I write will include a demand for a Ferrari. Couldn't hurt, right?